The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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