I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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