I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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