she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
