You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
