So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
