The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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