you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
