Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
