i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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