just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
