girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
