Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
