I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
