Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
