idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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