i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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