i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
