my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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