Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
