So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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