Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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