so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
