Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
