The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
