Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
