Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So squirting runs in the family.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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