i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
