we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Randomize
