Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Duck Duck Cougar?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
