I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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