we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
