He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
