i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
