she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
