This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
