I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
