So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
