I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
