Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
