My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How external is "for external use only"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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