I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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