Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
