Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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