you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
