I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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