foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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