why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
