3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize