I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
