Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
