I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
