Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
