So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
