Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
