oh god the rape fog is back!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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