life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
