we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
