Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
