I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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