I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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