you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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