maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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